My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. No nothing. ", 88. I took his shoes. Used by Zoominfo to enhance customer data. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. Carlin passed away in 2008 before he could see the prescience of his comedic wit and intelligence with the rise of Republican Donald Trump's candidacy this year. Most are only interested in self pleasures and bad habits. This cookie is set by Segment to track visitor usage and events within the website. ""Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. These George Carlin quotes on life showcase his wit, ingenuity and geniusand, occasionally, his potty mouth, which was part of his signature charm. ", 62. "I put a dollar in a change machine. I say: 'No no no,' because that really would be the kiss of death," Carlin said in his final interview before his death in 2008. These current events and social issues that are relevant today . ", 86. The cookie is used for storing the start and end of the user session for nielsen statistics. After that, they don't want to know about you. I don't always agree with everything he says, but I always listen Given the nature of our current Administration, I thought it timely to revisit what George said years ago (Back In Town HBO Special, 1996 . - Doc Holliday. Term limits aint going to do any good; youre just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. Then you live in an old age home. Everything He ever makes dies. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Weve learned how to make aliving, but not alife. Check out100 Best Dad Jokes50 Thinking of You Quotes50 Friday Quotes50 Monday Motivation Quotes101Bad Puns200Jokes for Kids, Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television. That's the problem. Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, and so they have to kill one another over the idea. ", 48. ", 4. They own all the important land. Twitter sets this cookie to integrate and share features for social media and also store information about how the user uses the website, for tracking and targeting. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. They believe a womans primary role is to function as a broodmare for the state.. "Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? I had an imaginary friend. New evidence may suggest they don't and many voters are skeptical, too. 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 12 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 5 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 1 hour 16 minutes. OK? On Election Day, I stay home. Its a big club and you aint in it. George Carlin may be dead, but his spirit lives on. This cookie is used by Akamai to optimize site security by distinguishing between humans and bots. Enjoy! They own you. "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? ", 69. ", 19. Where are these people hiding? ", 51. The cookie is used to store and identify a users' unique session ID for the purpose of managing user session on the website. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZijLQGH1v0 No, wait, hold on . Theyre not interested in that. This narrative is based on a deliberate fiction. The ad-id cookie is provided by Amazon Advertising for tallying user actions by tracking ad clicks on other websites, to provide targeted content. Elect me. Put the blame where it belongs: on the people. Good honest hard-working people white collar, blue collar, it doesnt matter what color shirt you have on. ""Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. In fact, liberals are so successful at winning the culture war that they are alienating most Americans. "Dont just teach your children to read. Known for his lack of patience for bullshit, the comedian regularly skewered all politicians, the election of Donald Trump as president would have particularly peeved him. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. Ice Cube and his political affiliations have been in the spotlight ever since White House senior advisor Katrina Pierson publicly thanked the Friday actor for his help in developing the "Platinum Plan" with Trump officials. 1. What we need is a king, and every now and then if the kings not doing a good job, we kill him. Im tired of this shit. George Carlin, Never argue with an idiot. This cookie allows the website to identify a user and provide enhanced functionality and personalisation. Carlins truth-telling about the influence of corporations in America and the willful blindness that allowed someone like Trump to assume power. In the standup special, which premiered just three years before Carlin's death, the comedian claims that "the real owners are the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions." ", 118. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. ", 109. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. He missed this one. He loves you, and He needs money! "I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town , the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. "Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Then youre just what theyre looking for. The legendary comic, who died in 2008 at the age of 71, is also the subject of an upcoming two-part documentary, George Carlins American Dream, which debuts on HBO Max later this month: By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. ", 58. - Gin Wigmore. ", 61. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? If youre offended by foul language dont watch this f**king video. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. ", 43. Toothpicks? As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money. This cookie is used to detect and defend when a client attempt to replay a cookie.This cookie manages the interaction with online bots and takes the appropriate actions. Well what if I don't want to? 'They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. "He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f**k things up this badly. This cookie store anonymous user idnetifier to determine whether a visitor had visited before, or if its a new visit. This is a consent cookie set by Dailymotion to store the CCPA consent string (mandatory information about an end-user being or not being a California consumer and exercising or not exercising its statutory right). They should be more vivid. 44. Provided by amazon-adsystem to make advertising messages more relevant to the users and their interests. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. The cookie is a session cookies and is deleted when all the browser windows are closed. Thats what all that asshole jock bullshit is all about. "Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. Now I feel better. ", 106. CMPS cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking based on user's website visits, for displaying targeted ads. Answer (1 of 12): He was a liberal. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, "Back In Town," Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: "Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. You have owners. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. YSC cookie is set by Youtube and is used to track the views of embedded videos on Youtube pages. There is actually a semi-important figure in American history who is named for a blow-job movie. School officials told the couple that they present an inherent harm to kids.. Trump did not fall to Earth from. "The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. ""If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. The JSESSIONID cookie is used by New Relic to store a session identifier so that New Relic can monitor session counts for an application. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. ""Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. ", 111. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town, the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with "pro-life" rhetoric while simultaneously attacking social . These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Teach them to question what they read. Fewer Texans. Yeah, the public sucks. Doesnt give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. "Don't give your money to the church. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. Why? LinkedIn sets this cookie to remember a user's language setting. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? George Carlin, Laugh often, long and loud. ", George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. That is against their interests. "Everyone smiles in the same language. It helps in consumer profiling for online advertising. They own you. MediaMath sets this cookie to avoid the same ads from being shown repeatedly and for relevant advertising. Your culture and entertainment cheat-sheet. What do you get at the end of it? Cookie associated with embedding content from Snapchat. "Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. "It's important in life if you don't give a s**t. It can help you a lot. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. "There's a humorous side to every situation. And they all vote. The Romantic Comedy You Should Watch This Valentines Day, Based On Your ZodiacSign, Valentines Day Streaming Guide: The Best Rom-Coms To Binge On Netflix, HBO Max, AndMore, How Narcissists Use Dog Whistling To Covertly Abuse You: Signs Of This Dangerous ManipulationMethod, 11 Christmas Movies To Watch If Youre Dealing With Heartbreak Over TheHolidays. 27 Feb 2023 13:57:17 You have owners. "My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' Nobeody seems to care. leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court. Broadly speaking. Weve added years to life, not life to years. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. If you think too much, you will be left behind by everyone. "Sometimes people say, 'Do I try to make audiences think?' Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. Ice Cube added the brief caption, "Facts.". George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing George Carlin told us about the Corona panic years ago Ryan Davis 3.5M views 2 years ago Joe Rogan | George Carlin's Lost 9/11 Special JRE Clips 2.6M. This country is full of nitwits and assholes. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. 125 George Carlin Quotes 1. They dont fall out of the sky. He was 71 years old. Try spelling Evian backward. 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out. And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I don't like cats. - George Carlin. "I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the s**t out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. ", 10. Craziest Republican Quotes of the 21st Century, The Funniest Political Quotes of All Time, Funny Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes as Actor and Politician, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. "Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. Now one of his most famous routines has swept the internet a dozen years after his death. "Some people see the glass half full. You will be notified via email when a new post is published. No president has done right by us. This problem can be solved by pre-school children in 5-10 minutes. Photo: Matthias Clamer (modified by author) Source: Getty Images One-liner jokes. AWSALB is an application load balancer cookie set by Amazon Web Services to map the session to the target. This cookie is managed by Amazon Web Services and is used for load balancing. ", 11. 2. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. ""Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? This cookie, set by PubMatic, is used to build a profile of user interests and to show relevant ads. The late George Carlin was a genius with words, a deft dasher of conventional logic, and a master observer (and master-baiter!) I think I was probably a cowboy in a past life. Believe me, my friend. ", 54. George Carlin. This cookie is used for email services. You think your current financial. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. You know what they want? ", 50. By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. Term limits ain't going to do any good; you're just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. "I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. A cat . After harping on his skepticism of politicians, particularly Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, 51-year-old Ice Cube doubled down on his distrust of the government on Tuesday by sharing a. ", 52. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. Maybe this time itll work. The truth is that George Carlin would be branded a left-wing nut job who has pie-in-the-sky ideas and wants people to collect money for doing nothing. Carlin was a New York City-based stand-up comedian, social critic, writer, and actor, best known for his unconventional and vulgar comedy routines. If you can't beat someone, arrange to have beaten him. ", 7. ", 94. The _omappvs cookie, used in conjunction with the _omappvp cookies, is used to determine if the visitor has visited the website before, or if it is a new visitor. "That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. "I have certain rules I live by. This cookie is used for implementing audio files on the website. 03 Mar 2023 16:21:02 Laugh until you gasp for breath. If a dog can do it, you can watch. ", 36. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. ", 7. Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readTeach them to question what they read. Contents 1 Quotes 1.1 FM & AM (1972) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). You can't be winning a culture war if most people hate you and your culture and it is causing you to lose elections. He's not a cheese. ", 34. The cookie is set by Snapchat to show relevant ads to the users by tracking user behaviour on Snapchat. "People are wonderful one at a time. Carlin, who was known for spewing critical rhetoric against the government, organized religion and big business, first delivered the quote during his 2005 HBO comedy special, Life Is Worth Losing. Occupy Wall Street activist completely SLAMS FOX News | An unaired interviewfootage, Brand spanking new memes of Bernie Sanders at theInauguration, Bernie Sanders as Grogu (Baby Yoda) from TheMandalorian, The best of Bernie Sanders memes from BidensInauguration, Obama was better at everything Video comparison Obama vstrump, Lindsey Graham states that African Americans can go anywhere in SC as long as theyre conservative, The best description of trump Ive seenyet, Woman with Fake Boobs Larger than Watermelons - Seriously, she's a Z-cup, Houston TX Officer on Trial for Stealing Food from Fridge, The Princeton Random Generator that "predicted" 9/11, The Top 20 Things You Can Say to Irritate a Republican, Popular Toys and Games from the 1970s and 1980s, The Return of Debtors' Prisons - SLUniverse Forums. "War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die. At all. I prefer dogs, because dogs don't care. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. Used to help protect the website against Cross-Site Request Forgery attacks. He always needs money! The _omappvp cookie is set to distinguish new and returning users and is used in conjunction with _omappvs cookie. You voted them in. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". The dmvk cookie is set by Dailymotion to record data of visitor behaviour on the website. "People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. ", 9. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. - Arthur Baer. This cookie is set by Facebook to display advertisements when either on Facebook or on a digital platform powered by Facebook advertising, after visiting the website. The people are f**ked. The 1996 clip is being passed around on social media after this week's Supreme Court news. 1 Every year in January, WEF holds its annual meeting in Davos, Switzerland. "The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. "Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to f**k.", 71. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. They own you. They own and control the corporations. Politics Notify me about new: Board Topics. This cookie is set by the provider Mixcloud. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked." Everybody says they suck. Known for his lack of patience for bullshit, the comedian regularly skewered all politicians, the election of Donald Trump as president. This cookie is set by the provider Akamai Bot Manager. "Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. "If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? This cookie is set by Segment to help track visitor usage, events, target marketing, and also measure application performance and stability. George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeorge's websitehttps://georgecarlin.com/Social Media:\rInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/\rYoutube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiI_jyH_0yttWG-m5fBYGmA\rTwitter: https://twitter.com/laugh_planet\rWebsite: http://thelaughplanet.comContact us: ash98jha@gmai.com #GeorgeCarlin #Government #America #Comedy #LaughPlanet That doesnt help them. Weve addedyearstolifenotlife to years. George Carlin, Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. From his infamous take on censorship with his NSFW "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" (which landed in the Supreme Court) to his nuanced rants on partisan politics and consumerism, Carlin not only made audiences laugh, but he challenged them to think independently and criticallyalbeit not entirely deliberately. An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this weeks reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. This cookie can only be read from the domain they are set on and will not track any data while browsing through other sites. "When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. This is set on the first visit of the visitor to the site and updated on subsequent visits. Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. Its you. JIM STAFFORD. You have OWNERS! This is the best we can do folks. Everybody complains about politicians. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses, and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. AddThis sets this cookie to ensure that the updated count is seen when one shares a page and returns to it, before the share count cache is updated. AddThis sets this cookie to track page visits, sources of traffic and share counts. "Religion is like a pair of shoes: Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. It seems only right. Nobody seems to care. 41. The great American comedian George Carlin died on June 22, 2008 at the age of 71. Bing Ads sets this cookie to engage with a user that has previously visited the website. They don't want to hear from you. You caused the problem. "If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? They own you. If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent politicians, and they get into office and screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. Set aside 30 minutes to watch investigative journalist Whitney Webb speak with MintPress News in the video above. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. [5] And another one: The sp_landing is set by Spotify to implement audio content from Spotify on the website and also registers information on user interaction related to the audio content. You show a clip of a young Richard Pryor and a young George Carlin on the set together with John Davidson. This cookie is used to track the behavior of a user within the current session. ""Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. "Forget the politicians. I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin, Now, theres one thing you might have noticed I dont complain about: politicians. But He loves you. "I have lots of ideas. Nothing changed. Others see it half empty. The great George Carlin once said in an interview that he divorced himself from concerns and problems from the world. And complaining about the politicians. Save the planet; we dont even know how to take care of ourselves yet. Lijit Advertising Platform sets this cookie temporarily, when multiple partners pass their IDs to the platform simultaneously. Ice Cube may be engaging in a political kerfuffle with Democrats following the news of his latest partnership with President Donald Trump's administration for the "Platinum Plan," but the rapper and actor is keen on letting his fans and followers know that he is not necessarily banding together with the government, despite what the past week of headlines might suggest. ", 29. YouTube sets this cookie to store the video preferences of the user using embedded YouTube video. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Forget the politicians. After that, they don't want to know about you. They dont give a fuck about you. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. . When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. The video featured audio from George's Wake Up America bit combined with imagery of events and people in today's society. Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. "It helps to remember this.. These days, 'Trajedi. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. "Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. "Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bulls**t they teach you in school. That's generally been true. ""The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. But once youre born, youre on your own. Let's start with critical race theory. Trouble is, most of them suck. "If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. "Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ", 6. No neonatal care, no daycare, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. LinkedIn sets the lidc cookie to facilitate data center selection. ", 5. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, 'Why not?' There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. The Monday night crucifixions! "I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? You have no choice. It does not store any personal data. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. This cookie is used as a unique identifier for the BlueConic profile. "Maybe its not the politicians who suck; maybe its something else. Thats what the owners count on. Related: When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA.